Now, don’t twist my words: men also have many unique strengths and things to offer the world. But all too often, we let these strengths become a weakness, clinging to them so tightly that what once benefited us starts shifting into a hindrance that cripples us. 

The cause: we’re unbalanced. At least, most of us － most of the time － are completely disconnected from our femininity, and it’s ruining our lives. 

Sure, our society loves to market men and women as complete opposites, as easily categorized into two entirely separate boxes. And yeah, both are expected to fall into very specific, rigid categories. You know the ones － that women are emotional and nurturing and love to wear heels as they vacuum the entire house while men are tough, logical, and the only gender that can change a car’s oil.  

But let’s be honest, these expectations are total bullshit.  

Men and women aren’t actually all that different. The reality is we’re all a combination of masculine and feminine energy. There’s no such thing as only having one or the other. Women recognize that. They embrace it and we need to follow suit.

Why? Because masculine energy is very structural and aggressive. Having too much of it tends to make us too rigid and unyielding. 

It turns us into a sort of echo chamber, only listening to that which agrees with our opinions or viewpoints and completely disregards other information that could help us grow and change. This then gets cemented into the ego and can turn us into someone who’s ignorant, unwavering in anything that comes our way and unwilling to see that there are ways to be － to do － better. 

None of that makes for a good leader.

More importantly, they also don’t make for a very good person.

Indeed, this kind of rigidity truly breaks us. Masculinity is designed to be a structured container, something that’s meant to protect and enable creativity and intuition and authenticity to flourish. Yet unrestricted and unbalanced without its more fluid, open counterpart, it becomes destructive and suffocating. It no longer builds people up; it shuts people down. 

That, ultimately, finds its way into our relationships and ends up destroying them. Wives, girlfriends, partners － all inevitably suffer, constantly unheard, shut down, and made to feel small and incapable.  

Don’t think this is happening in your own life? I genuinely hope it’s not, but I urge you to take a closer look. 

Be brutally honest. Question: am I actually supporting my partner or am I dismissing them?

How many times have they expressed that you may be listening, but you’re not really hearing them? How often have they had to remind you of something important to them or convince you that what they’re doing is just as valuable as what you do? When was the last time you gave them space to provide their own opinions, make their own judgments, rather than push your own? 

As much as it sucks, you probably won’t like all of your answers. Most of us probably won’t, because our society rewards us for this kind of overwhelming rigidity, for masculinity taken to the nth degree. It’s the standard we’re all held to. 

However, just because it’s the expected standard, doesn’t mean you should conform to it.

It does have a time and a place. But that isn’t in your home, the board room, or even the supermarket down the street. It isn’t in your romantic relationships, and it isn’t in all the other connections you make along the way. There’s simply no place for it in day-to-day life.

As I said before, women understand this. 

They’re the masters at finding balance － at remaining flexible while still maintaining boundaries, at thinking of others even when taking care of themselves. They know that openness and care aren’t just occasional qualities but absolute necessities to be successful in life.